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Reality Therapy Coaching

Using the procedures that lead to change

From the Choice Theory explanation of how the mind works, we can easily derive a way of talking to ourselves and others to help us get more of what we want and les of what we would rather avoid.

• Our perceptions.
• Our wants.
• Our behaviours.
• And of course, the Gap between our perceptions and our wants.

When what we perceive is not what we want, we can choose a behaviour that we believe will change things. Linking these four as questions creates the very simplest form of 'how we manage our lives'.

These four elements become coaching questions that look like this:

• What is happening?
• What do you want?
• Is what you are doing getting you what you want?
• If not, what else can you do?

Let's call these the Reality Thinking Questions.

How it Works

The use of these procedures comes from what William Glasser called Reality Therapy (though he developed the therapy before he described Choice Theory). From this therapeutic process we can use these procedures in many different ways.

• As counselling questions (As William Glasser did)
• As Coaching questions
• As personal reflective questions
• As problem solving questions
• To manageourselves effectively
• To enhance capability
• As a life-coaching strategy

We can apply them to individuals or groups or teams.

Sometime described as 'the procedures that lead to change' these questions can be presented in a more sophisticated way, such as in the WDEOP formulation illustrated below.

This formulation is designed to emphasise that the key question - IS IT WORKING – is the crux of the process.

Why it Matters

If we were resourceful in every situation, if we responded to all of life changes in a reflective and useful way we would not need these procedures. However, we easily get stuck.

Which behaviour to choose in a situation where we are not getting what we want (and it is painful to us) is not always apparent. Because our behaviours easily become habits, we often repeat the same behaviours over and over again with the same unhelpful results. Or we find ourselves trying to influence people or events without the clear thinking that we need to make the difference we want to make.

In these situations, in any situations in which we want to steer our lives more effectively, the Reality Thinking questions can help us to manage ourselves and choose the most useful behaviours available to us.

Self Coaching with Reflective Reality Therapy

What if you could learn how to transcend difficulties and get the best from yourself?

Would it be helpful to talk to yourself using a process that will help you to get what you really want?

Reflective Reality Therapy is derived from Reality Therapy, a counselling process developed by Doctor William Glasser to help people bring clarity and effectiveness to their lives. The procedures he developed for counselling are easily adapted for coaching, goal setting, problem solving and for identifying new options when our thinking gets 'stuck'.

RT is used by therapists to guide people towards psychological wellness. But the same procedures can be used in coaching as a way to improve performance in any aspect of our life and work. Most of us are not therapists but we can apply Reflective Reality Therapyto both our career roles and our personal life.

The steps of RT are often described as 'the procedures that lead to change'. The human brain thrives naturally on repetition and its design means that we habituate everything that we learn. This is of huge benefit to the biological human: it means that we can train ourselves to effortlessly repeat actions, skills. and patterns of thought once they have been learned. However, it can be a disadvantage when we need a new behaviour. Using the RRT procedures is a highly effective strategy for over-riding the brain's reluctance to abandon familiar patterns of behaviour and initiating new ones.

How it Works

You can use Reflective Reality Therapy as a 6-step process, as illustrated below.

Why it Matters

Reflective Reality Therapy mirrors the way an effective mind works. However, we are not always effective. Our everyday thinking easily become clouded by detail or muddled by emotion.

Knowing and using Reflective Reality Therapy helps us to cut through any vagueness or confusion and focus on what matters.

Here is an example of using Reflective Reality Therapy on myself:

• Situation: In the last few years I have written four books, but I am hindered by my inability to touch type. I write very slowly using only two fingers, which means that my output lags far behind my thought process. Very frustrating!
• What do I want? I want to speed up my writing output.
• What do I really want? What difference will greater output make?
  It is important because I have so many ideas to export from my brain and get frustrated with my actual volume of product. Being able to produce much more will help me become a more productive author.
• What have I been doing? to become faster at writing?
  I have been trying to speed up my hunt and peck technique.
• Is what I have been doing working?
  NO, I just make more mistakes and have to go back and do more corrections.
  Anything else? – I have been telling myself I am too old to learn to touch type
  Is that helping me? No, I just feel more frustrated.
• What else can I do?
  I could challenge my own belief that touch typing is impossible for me
  And that means I will spend hours teaching myself to touch type.
• What are the alternatives?
  I can do what I am presently doing but add fingers until I am using 6 fingers instead of two.
• Is there anything else I could do?
  I have been thinking for some time that I should try to use the voice activation application in word – I can certainly talk faster than I can type!
• Is that everything?
  I guess the only other thing I can think of is to keep doing what I am doing.
• Will that be ok?
  NO
• What will I do:
  I will use the voice activation app in word and persist with it for one month to see if I can learn to use it well.

Because Reflective Reality Therapy is grounded in Choice Theory, it employs skills that reflect the way in which a healthy brain operates. If you want to learn to use Reflective Reality Therapy, it is always best to learn Choice Theory at the same time. Reality Therapy is the skill: Choice Theory explains why it works so well.

Coaching with Reality Therapy

The RT procedures can be used in counselling, coaching or in any kind of reflective thinking.
They appear simple but are deceptively subtle: They consist of 5 'layers' of enquiry preceded by creating and maintain a positive relationship. That first condition is important. An environment of trust and open-ness frees the brain to respond to questions withoutwithout fear.

Then we can follow the steps of the process, using either a step-by-step process of the coaching illustration to guide us:

Steps:

Put in flipping and spiralling specifics and lists of question

When I am asked about the best way to become skilful in using RT I make two suggestions:

• The best way is to join a training program in 'Choice Theory and Reality Therapy' (see CT/RT programs for details).
• Another way is to learn to use the procedures with yourself. Follow the procedures described above and become accustomed to using it when pursuing a goal or solving a problem. You can see an example of this in my blog post using RT with myself.

The best way to become skilled in using the RT procedures is to contact me for information about the availability of training by selecting this link

OR

If you are in Australia, click the link above and I will help you to find available training near you

If you are in any other country, write to me at and I will connect you with the nearest available trainer.

My book: 'The Leader-Mind Equation', available through Amazon and most on-line bookstores is a popular explanation of the applications of Choice Theory to leadership.