We all live our lives in the Gap between 'the real' and our ideal. On the stage of life, the Gap is the backdrop against which we make our choices.Whoever we are and whatever we are doing, this comparison between 'how things are' and 'how we would like them to be' is an abiding constant. Although we are not always aware of it, the Gap is ever-present.
Every day we choose the thoughts and actions that we believe will narrow the Gap - that will lead to more of what we want in life. In our attempts to feel 'in control' - to be the willing architects of our own well-being - our choices are the tools with which we shape our individuality and strive for achievement and fulfilment.And because pain and the threat of suffering are an inevitable part of living, we make choices that we hope will avoid or minimise discomfort.
It is very rare for us to sustain the sense that things are completely 'right' for any length of time. The Gap is our inescapable inheritance, the dubious gift bestowed on us by our humanity - by the ways in which our brain is wired.
Whether our Gaps are huge or tiny, they create an itch that we are constantly scratching as we try to make the best of our lives.
The Gap Presents Choices
Because we are persons, human organisms with a mental control system, the Gap is intrinsic to our motivation. Everything we do comes from weighing our present experience against how we want things to be, and then behaving in order to reduce the difference. We are only occasionally doing this consciously or reflectively, but our brain activity is always pursuing its imperative – to protect and serve us by adjusting the Gap. Whether consciously or unconsciously, we are always making choices: seeking a way to behave that will bring our experience of life closer to one or another detail of our personal ideals.
We have not evolved or been created to be lotus eaters. An idyllic life would rob us of the impulse to learn and grow. The Gap provides us with problems to solve and choices to make. It is the source of all our motivation and growth.
Choosing, then, is the ubiquitous activity of the mind. Comparing our present circumstances with our preferred ideal - and selecting a response - is our constant companion as we weave our pathway through life. We are shaped by the choices we make as we respond to the Gap. The different ways in which we see the world and the diverse choices we make individuate us and distinguish us from other humans. No person is a clone of another. The permutations of choice and experience are too great to permit sameness.
Who we are now, and the life we presently lead, are largely the consequence of choices made at some time in the past. Although genetics and circumstances play a role in moulding our life's journey, we are all shaped by the options we take in the face of the events and experiences that we encounter.
In the same way, who we will become, and the degree of well-being and freedom we will experience in the future, will be the result of choices we make now and in times ahead. The Gap may be our burden, but it also emancipates us. Because we always have choices, and will always need to make choices, our choices matter!
'Living in the Gap' is an extract from 'Minding the Gap', a recent publication by Rob Stones (Senior Faculty).
To purchase 'Minding the Gap' (or any of Rob's other publications), please visit his website at www.futureshape.com.au and follow the links.
